The Same Genes

I sometimes wonder how two children created from exactly the same gene pool can be so different.  There is of course the obvious; one is a boy, the other a girl.  I get this bit, oh yes because this bit I learnt in school. 

It’s funny how we associate the good things we see in our children with ourselves and the not so good things with their other parent!  I will do my best to be honest but I am also biased.   I have tried to assess my children’s' personalities and work out which parent they get certain traits from.  In some cases they get it from both - double whammy!

Son
He is definitely an introvert - this is me!
He sees everything as a competition - Dad.
He is charming - Dad again!
He can be stubborn but as this particular trait is a double whammy he is not too bad.
He is quite unadventurous with food (me) but loves being adventurous in other ways (Dad)
He is very analytical (double whammy!) but it is always fact based analysis which is his Dad.
He is emotionally transparent - me, I can't hide my mood!

He gets on with everyday life with a fun and mild mannered approach.  He will explode emotionally every now and again but generally he is quite calm and happy.  He is the child that always has a practical answer for everything which makes it very hard to argue against.  His little mind is always on the go, mulling something over.  He loves his sister and will even tell us off and put himself in the line of fire if we upset her!


Daughter
She is a complete extrovert in every way possible - 100% Dad.
She is very stubborn and shows all the signs of making full use of this double whammy trait.
She is adventurous and shows no fear - Dad.
She is loving and kind - me of course.
She is also analytical but it is more emotion based.  She can sense the mood and adapt to it easily.  The analytical part is both of us and I would put the emotional bit down to being a women rather than being directly from me!

Food is very important to her.  She will blatantly lie about not having meals to get sympathy and food.  Lying is a new skill to her and one she is perfecting with ease.  She can use emotion like I never imaged a three year old could to get what she wants.  She is a very cheery child but can change her mood in nano seconds and if you saw her having a strop you would think she is the most spoilt child you have ever seen.

Overall it seems they are actually quite similar, they just use their traits in different ways that make them appear different.  That concludes my very scientific assessment of my children's personalities.

The Party

So the after all the planning and agonising the party has been and gone.  Overall it was a great success and my son enjoyed himself.  There were a few unexpected surprises though!

First is the help girl.  This was a six year old girl who wanted to help with everything rather than participate in the party.  Every time I turned around there she was smiling up at me asking what she can do.  I am slightly ashamed to admit that all I wanted was for someone to take this bloody child away and let me get on with being hostess.

Then there was the runaway.  I actually felt really sorry for him but still my son's enjoyment was my priority and he was making it hard.  He was dropped off by a boy of about 12 who left no contact details in case of a problem.  Every other parent that dropped a child off gave us their details.  The problem was he kept running away, I mean out of the hall and down the road!  My husband chased after him numerous times and even spent half an hour trying to walk this boy home!  He was eventually picked up by the same boy that dropped him off.

These are the things that no one tells you about otherwise no child would ever have a birthday party.  My husband has made it clear to our daughter that she is not having one until she is six.  She will be four in July.

There is also the stress of being the best hostess ever to all the school gate mums that I detest so much.  If you have read previous posts you will understand why!  There was no way I was giving them anything to moan about.  As I thrust the rather overloaded party box into each child’s hand at the end all I could think was beat that!  So childish but I can't help it.

As far as my son was concerned it was the best party ever so I consider that a job well done.  I am not going to do it again for a few years though!

Working From Home

Sounds great doesn't being able to work from home but the reality is usually very different let me tell you!

This week due to circumstances beyond my control I have had to work a couple of days from home.  For the company I work for this also happens to be the nastiest week in the whole financial calendar.  Not a great week to not be in the office.

Knowing that I am working from home the first thing I do is check my emails.  That way I know what is coming and what I need to do when I get back from the school run.  Sounds very organised but the truth is it is chaos.

After the school run it is just me and my daughter at home.  She goes to nursery at 12.30pm so until then I have to be worker and entertainer.  This is where I have discovered something about myself.  I had never realised the drive to work was so important to me to be able to function.  It is a 15 minute drive during which my transformation from mummy to worker happens.  The reverse is true on the way home.  Working from home takes this away; suddenly I have three seconds transformation time if that.

I have to switch from typing emails about forecasts and actuals to my boss to appreciating a lovely scribble my daughter has drawn.  When it came to getting her ready for bed that night she told me to wait a minute a she was working and needed to finish this.  Hmm, I wonder where she heard that.

When I am at home my connection to works server is slow.  I can make a cup of tea and put a load of washing in by the time it has managed to open our management pack.  I then click the refresh button and wash up.  I then sit and watch the little green line moving along my screen showing me the progress of saving it.  I watch it in a zombie like mode trying to predict when the next little square will go green.

Communication with the office is via email or telephone and I take full advantage of the fact that they cannot see me if you know what I mean.  I dread the day when work laptops come with built in web cams and we have to use Skype.  I will need to make more of an effort with my appearance when working from home and I need to be aware of what is on the wall behind me!

Ethical Principles

As a studying accountant CIMA's code of ethics is pretty much tested in every exam going.  That is how important they feel it is so I decided to apply their code of ethics to my parenting skills!

First up is Integrity.

Having told my children about Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy I am not sure I can claim that my integrity is intact.  The worst lie I have told them probably has to be that the ice cream man only plays his tune when he has run out of ice cream.

Second is Objectivity.

When my children argue they both get told off.  How can I possibly be objective when I have a 6 year old and 3 year old telling me a la Shaggy - It wasn't me?  In order to be objective the facts need to be established.  Working out which one is lying is almost impossible which means I cannot be objective.

Next is Professional Competence and Due Care.

My mothering skills are not bad by any stretch of the imagination but I am not sure I could claim to be entirely competent.  Can any of us?  I have made many mistakes here, some of which I have repeated!  As for the due care bit well, I have sent my son to school ill (In all fairness I thought he was faking) and told my daughter that the imaginary spots on her face were tired spots because she hadn't had enough sleep.  They were not actually imaginary, she did have a rash which I saw as soon as I put my glasses on.

Then we have Professional Behaviour.

This one is laughable!  There is no way I could describe my behaviour as professional at all times when dealing with my children.  In my capacity as a professional mummy I have told them off and made them cry in public and on the odd occasion I have sworn with them in earshot.  Blown it then.

Last we have Confidentiality.

Nothing in our house is confidential anymore.  I have broken every confidence my children have told me by telling their dad!  A house containing two or indeed any small children can never be confidential.  Once they start talking you have had it.

Conclusion:

So it would seem that my capacity as a mother I fail completely to adhere to CIMA's code of ethics and I think it would be fair to say this would apply to any parent or carer.  I am not alone!

Please tell me I am not alone.

Gender Roles

When I had my son five years ago I decided there and then that he would not be brought up with the traditional stereotyped gender roles.  I wanted him to realise that keeping a house and looking after children is a joint effort that both parents have equal responsibility for.

I was determined he would learn to clear up after himself (as opposed to me doing it) and how to operate household appliances such as the dishwasher and the washing machine.  His dirty laundry would be in the laundry basket (where it should be) and he would be quite capable of cooking his own dinner.  I did not expect all this straight away you understand but it would all be in place by the time he left home.

What an idealistic idiot I was!  Here I am five years later now also with a daughter aged three and things have not turned out how I planned.  Not how I planned at all!

I am now fairly convinced that the gender roles are not just a creation of society but are an inbuilt part of the female/male makeup.   While some men seem to be able to overcome this and realise that it is just as much their job to keep the house tidy and ensure the children are well cared for as it is their partners, some do not.

I wanted my son to be ones of those that do overcome it!  I also wanted my daughter to feel that her role in life was not simply to cook, clean and look after any children she may have but so far life seems to have overridden my desires!

My daughter spends her days looking after her dolls and tidying up while my son spends his wrestling imaginary opponents and making as much mess as possible.

Oh well, that’s another parenting ideal I don’t seem to have achieved.