Getting Older

Getting older kind of creeps up on you.  You don't notice it happening, it all happens in the background until the day it slaps you in the face and laughs.  Getting older always gets you in the end no matter who you are.

Tomorrow is my birthday and in my head I am and always will be 25.  Reality however is that I will actually be 34.  OMG 34!  Next year I will be ticking the next group up on the age range boxes on forms.

Like I say in my head I am 25 but my body does not seem to take any notice of my brain, oh no, it just carries on merrily ageing and ignoring my resistance.

The other day I was driving along listening to radio one when this song came on.  I immediately screwed up my face and muttered under my breath "The crap they come out with nowadays".  My finger pressed the button to change the station.

That was when getting older slapped me.  Horrified at my own ageing thoughts I pressed the button to change it back and endured the song.  It was my way of denying I was indeed getting older.

It is not until it does slap you that you realise it has been there for a while, slowly moving in while you are blissfully unaware.

The signs were definitely there, I had just never acknowledged them.  Saying things like "Oh that house looks nice, I love what they have done with the garden" as we drive past.  I can remember being a child in the back of the car while my mum and dad had similar conversations.

I tried to do a roly poly for the kids not so long ago and ended up pulling a muscle in my neck.  Yes the signs were absolutely, without doubt definitely there.

Have you had your slap from getting older yet?  If so please tell me - I could do with a giggle!

My Night Off

I have been looking forward to this night for a couple of weeks.  I have had to travel to our head office for a meeting which involves an overnight stay in a nice hotel with everything paid for.

This meant an evening of being relaxed, well fed and possibly very well watered.  A night of peace and quiet.  Needless to say I was secretly pleased to be having a meeting.  It was a finance meeting as well so it was worth it.

This was my plan:

4pm - Leave office and go to hotel
4.15pm - Arrive at hotel
5pm - Eat Dinner
6pm - Start Online Course
8.30pm - Finish Online Course
8.35pm - Be in the bar with a vodka and coke
9.30pm - Retire to room, slob out and watch telly
10.30pm - Go to sleep

The actual reality was very differant.

Firstly my sat nav refused to recognise the hotel.  Now I am seriously crap when it comes to directions so the sat nav was my lifeline in unfamiliar territory.  As I had not left the office until 4.50pm I didn't arrive at the hotel unil 5.37pm.  It should have been a 15 minute journey.

My course starts in 23 minutes which means there is not enough time to eat.  Never mind I had a cunning plan.  I nosied round my rather nice room and logged onto the webinar.  I am an accountancy student so I will not go into the details of the tutorial but I had planned that at break time (7.15pm) I would order room service.

The only food the offered as room service was pizza.  Now this would have been fine but we had gone to Pizza Express for lunch.  More pizza was not a good idea.

When the session eventually finished at 8.50pm (It should have been 8.30pm) I was feeling more than pee'd off, I was flipping starving as well.  I ordered the burger and chips (much better than pizza!) and ate it while watching One Born Every Minute.  I am typing this in the adverts!

I am also missing my husband and the children and starting to feel a bit fed up.  Hey ho, another vodka and coke and I will be fine.

What Is Harder Than Being A Parent?

Being a step parent.

I became a step parent before I became a fully bona fide parent in my own right.  I was only 19 when I met my husband along with his 4 year old son from his first marriage and for this I am grateful.  Too naive to know better.

I actually believed that it would make no difference to our relationship, He was only 4 and we had him to stay every other weekend.  I was seriously under prepared for the situation I was about to freely place myself into.

The fact that my husband made it very clear from the start that his son came first only made me want him more.  I had found a proper man who took his responsibilities seriously not some idiot who thought getting pissed was high up on the list of his priorities.

It is all the firsts that you have to deal with that makes it difficult, especially when you have no prior experience of children.  The first time on our own, the first time I had to tell him off and the first time I had to get him dressed.  With my own children these things did not even warrant any thought or pre planning, they were just dealt with.

The problem with step children is that they are not yours.  That might seem like an obvious statement but with step children every single interaction with them in the early days is cause for dilemma.  You don't want to upset the child, your partner or the scariest of all, the Ex.  Your mind races through all the potential consequences of the actions you are about to take and by then you have left it too late.  As we all now know you have to nip it in the bud to avoid full scale tantrums no matter how old your child is!

It is massively worth it in the end that I will say but you will have to jump through some hoops mostly held up by the Ex.  If you are the Ex I hope you can understand that as the other woman we try really hard to do our absolute best but sometimes we get it wrong.  You are the expert so help us out!  Little things like letting us know that the child doesn't like carrots really make a difference.

The most important thing I learnt was that regardless of your partners relationship with their Ex you must remember they are the child's mother/father and that child loves them dearly.  Don't slate them in front of the child; you will not ever achieve anything from it.

Oh and if you are the Ex please remember we are not trying to be their mother, hell no that is your job, we just want to make everyone happy and we are terrified of getting it wrong.  Please don't rub salt into our wounds if we do.

Party Games

As you will know I am planning my son's sixth birthday party and I need to draw on your experience regarding a few things.  Here are my questions:

1. Is it true that every layer on the Pass The Parcel now has to have a treat in?  This didn't happen in my day.
2. Is Musical Chairs too dangerous for 5/6 year olds?  It wasn't in my day.
3. Does the party food have to be healthy?  In my day the whole point of party food was that it was unhealthy stuff otherwise where is the fun?
4. Am I being delusional thinking that the disco man will run the party while I sit back and enjoy?
5. Is it true that I can't be biased when judging musical bumps?  Not in so far as ensuring my children win - that would be too obvious!
6. Do I have to feed the parents that decide to stay?  They didn't stay in my day, couldn't wait to get away in fact!
7. Does Sleeping Lions really not exist?  I was kind of counting on this as a potential game for obvious reasons.

So thanks in advance for you illuminating answers.  Just so you are aware, I already know what I want the answers to be I just don't know what the actual answers are!

Back Handed Compliments

There is no one better in the world than your partner at giving you back handed compliments, at least that is my experience.

It was my husband’s birthday this week.  He works until about 8.30pm so I had from when I got in from work at 5pm until then to make myself look good.  As any women knows trying to make yourself look good while cooking dinner, bathing children and finally getting the children into bed is near on impossible.  But it is his birthday so I was going to make it happen.

He walked through the door as I was taking the steam rollers out of my hair so I had just about achieved my mission.  Nice dress, make up and hair done and I will admit it is a long time since I made that kind of effort. My husband is used to seeing me in work clothes or jeans and leggings which have become the lifeblood of my wardrobe.

I also had a fantastic girly moment with my daughter as she watched me put the rollers in.  It was just on of those magical moments that I will treasure for ever.  She should have been in bed but I just couldn't resist her wide eyes and smile as she said "Wow mummy what are you doing?  Wow can I have some?"

Anyway I digress; the next day at work I received a text from my husband.  It said

"By the way hun you did look really nice last night ..."  At this point I am thinking things like, I am so lucky, he is wonderful, and I love him so much.  I literally felt my heart swell with pride.

It carried on

"Forgotten how good you look when you make the effort" Cue my heart deflating and my thoughts rapidly changing direction.

So you might want to show this quick giving a compliment guide to your other half, or if you are a guy take note!

Step 1 - Think of what you want to say
Step 2 - Chop the sentence in half
Step 3 - Say the first half of the sentence
Step 4 - Ditch the second half of the sentence

And voila!  One happy lady!

What is the most bank handed compliment you have ever been given?

Party Politics

Open Letter To All School Gate Gossips

So it would seem that not inviting all 57 children in my sons year to his birthday party is the current topic up for discussion.  There are a few things that I feel need to be pointed out.

Firstly, my son can invite who he wants to his party.  If that does not include your child then I am sorry, I do genuinely feel bad but at the end of the day it is his choice.

Secondly, if he has not invited someone then he does not like them.  In a six year old's mind it is as simple as that.  I appreciate that this may sound harsh but he knows his own mind and will have his reasons.

Thirdly, when going through the list of names kindly provided by his teacher he was quite clear about the yes's and the no's.  Both his Dad and I double checked the list with him the next day to ensure he was definite about his decisions and he didn't change one name.  Not one.

And last but not least, not all of you invited him to your child’s party.  Maybe you should have a think about that.

The school run is my husband's job and he is much more diplomatic than me so think yourselves lucky because I am not sure I could be quite so polite about it.

The thing I detest most of all is the form of revenge you have taken.  My son’s best friend lives in the next street so they walk to school together.  This means that my husband walks to school with another woman.  It does not mean he is sleeping with her. 

Maybe you should all concentrate on your own lives for a little while.  Some of you certainly need to.

Yours,

The Working Parent

Irritations - My Top 5

There are certain things that really irritate me.  I should point out at the outset that I am referring to extremely unimportant things at really do not matter at all, they simply irritate me.

So here are my top five irritations with a quick explanation as to why they made the list:

1. Starburst - They are, and always will be Opal Fruits to me and that is all I am going to say on the matter.

2. Business Talk - When someone says things like "Let’s touch base" or "Joined up thinking" I just want to laugh at them.  It is an overwhelming desire that I have to bury deep inside while I smile and carry on the conversation as though I totally agree with their sentiments.

3. When people say 110% - As in "I put 110% effort in" - No you didn't because the maximum amount of effort you can put in is 100%.

4. Food Shopping Etiquette - You are there to buy food so why do you have to stop in the middle of an aisle to have a conversation with someone else.  Move out of the bloody way or I have a three year old I will set on you and believe me she does not take any prisoners!

5. Text Speak - CU L8Ter - Looks more like a number plate to me rather than a sentence.  It takes me 10 minutes to work out what the hell your text says rather than the 30 seconds it would have taken me had you used proper English that I understand.

So what are your pet hates or irrittions that really are not worth the amount of stress they seem to bring out in you?